My son J has always enjoyed July 4^th celebrations. Thankfully, he loved seeing the fireworks and even with his ultra-hearing sensitivities, the booms from them didn’t bother him too much. We usually stayed home and maybe had grandparents or friends over for a cookout. Our neighborhood had firework displays that rivaled the big ones in the city, so we didn’t have to deal with the crowds to see the festivities. That made things easier for us, and J had a good time most years. I think it would have been more difficult had we ventured downtown in our city and tried to fight our way through crowds to see the fireworks. We and J would have been stressed by it all.

Fireworks and Sensory Issues

Making July 4^th fun for your autistic child really comes down to planning the holiday activities based on what your child can handle and trying to align that with what works for your family overall. If you have other children who really love the big fireworks show, then maybe one parent takes them to that and the other checks out the fireworks in your neighborhood or area with your autistic child. If you cannot divide and conquer, maybe you look at events online and see if you can find a smaller fireworks show in a nearby town that isn’t quite as crowded. We did that one year when we went out to a smaller event where my mom lives, and J and our whole family really enjoyed it.

If fireworks in person are just too much for your child, some shows are broadcasted on TV or online. That could be a great way for your autistic child to still enjoy them but in a way that doesn’t trigger any sensory issues.

Other ways to make July 4^th more fun for your autistic child

Try some of these other tips to help make the July 4^th holiday more enjoyable for your autistic child.

• Remember to bring your child’s noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses and other items to help with any sensory issues if you are going to a celebration away from home.
• If you go to a family member’s or friend’s home for a gathering, ensure you identify a quiet place that your child can retreat to if they are overwhelmed or need a place to hang out for a while.
• Be sure to bring a favorite dish and snacks for your autistic child to ensure they have food they like at a party or gathering.
• Take some favorite toys or an activity bag of things your child enjoys if you are going to a fireworks display and will be waiting for a while for the show to begin.
• Give your autistic child advance notice on how their routines will change that day and night, so they are not surprised.
• Consider a movie night if going elsewhere or being outside will be too overwhelming for your autistic child for the holiday.

Remember that there is no right way to celebrate July 4^th. Do what is best for your autistic child and family. You can have fun in so many different ways that will honor what works for your family. So, what are some things you do to make July 4^th fun for your autistic child?

Additional resources

Want some additional information or ideas for your celebration? Check out these resources.

Headphones: A Book for Children With Autism & Sensory Disorders (affiliate link)

Celebrate Independence Day: Multicomponent Educational Rhyming Story (affiliate link)

JOYIN 15 Pcs 4th of July Accessories (affiliate link)

6 Pack of American Flag Sunglasses (affiliate link)

The Night Before the Fourth of July (affiliate link)

The post 8 ways to make your July 4th celebration fun for your autistic child appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

How do you define Asperger Syndrome?

Psychology Today defines Asperger Syndrome as “a high-functioning form of autism. Although it was once classified as its own condition, Asperger’s is no longer an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). The behavior ascribed to Asperger’s is now encompassed under the umbrella diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder.

People with high-functioning autism/Asperger’s often have difficulty with social situations, and they may not be able to understand the perspectives and feelings of others. However, their language and cognitive skills are often typical.

People with the condition may also engage in specific, repetitive body movements. They often have an orientation toward detail and an interest in systemizing, which can come across as an obsession. Some may show remarkable facility in a narrowly focused and usually non-social area, such as baseball statistics or train schedules.”

Why is it called Asperger Syndrome?

Asperger Syndrome was named after the Austrian pediatrician Hans Asperger. He characterized the traits in boys that he observed in the mid-1940’s. He didn’t name it himself; instead, it was named for him.

There is controversy around Asperger and the work he did for the Nazis in Germany during World War II. Some people are glad it is no longer its own diagnosis for that reason.

Some identify with it as a milder form of autism

Those with this diagnosis are usually on Level 1 of the autism spectrum. Some of their traits or characteristics may be described as milder than others, but it really depends on the individual.

My son J fits into this category well. While he may be described as having a “milder” form of autism, he still struggles with some communication, social situations, executive function and to a lesser degree now with emotional control. With his ADHD, impulse control, focus and hyperactivity are also a challenge for him.

For him, he does identify overall more with being autistic and will usually tell people he has autism. However, every once in a while, he will note he has Asperger Syndrome, which seems to be how many I’ve met who receive that diagnosis will refer to themselves.

Why do some people still refer to themselves as having Asperger Syndrome instead of autism?

When neurotypicals think of autism, many tend to focus on the Level 2 and Level 3 autism that is moderate to severe. For those who received an Asperger Syndrome diagnosis, they choose to still use that instead of considering themselves autistic. Also, since it was their specific diagnosis, they choose to refer to themselves as “Aspie” or having Asperger’s.

Why? For some, they feel it better describes their traits and characteristics, and there is less stigma associated with Asperger’s Syndrome. They also believe they can better navigate the neurotypical world if they don’t have an “autism” label (even though they still have plenty of challenges and can become exhausted from masking so much of the time).

Did your teen or young adult receive an Asperger Syndrome diagnosis? If so, do they identify more with being autistic or Aspie? Leave a comment so that we can share and encourage each other along this journey!

Additional resources

Want to learn more about Asperger Syndrome? Check out these resources that are available.

The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome (affiliate link)

ADHD and Asperger Syndrome in Smart Kids and Adults (affiliate link)

Parenting a Teen or Young Adult with Asperger Syndrome (affiliate link)

Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers Syndrome: A User Guide to Adolescence (affiliate link)

Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence: Helping Preteens & Teens Get Ready for the Real World (affiliate link)

The post What is Asperger Syndrome and how does it fit into the autism spectrum? appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

What is autism?

The Mayo Clinic defines autism as a “condition related to brain development that impacts how a person perceives and socializes with others, causing problems in social interaction and communication. The disorder also includes limited and repetitive patterns of behavior. The term ‘spectrum’ in autism spectrum disorder refers to the wide range of symptoms and severity.

Autism spectrum disorder includes conditions that were previously considered separate — autism, Asperger’s syndrome, childhood disintegrative disorder and an unspecified form of pervasive developmental disorder. Some people still use the term ‘Asperger’s syndrome,’ which is generally thought to be at the mild end of autism spectrum disorder.”

While that is the clinical definition, I generally think of autistic individuals as having brains that are wired differently than those who are neurotypical. They think and approach things in a different way, which can be a great for diversity of thought and fresh perspectives in the world. Yet, these differences can be a real challenge for autistics, loved ones, friends, co-workers and others as they try to understand one another.

What are the traits of autism?

Autistic individuals can have a variety of traits. Not everyone will have all of these, and the mildness or severity of each will differ per person. If you’ve heard that each person who is autistic is unique, that is very true.

Common traits of autism can include:

• Difficulty with communication
• Lack of social skills
• Trouble with executive function skills
• Sensory issues
• Repetitive patterns of behavior
• Focused special interests
• Rigid adherence to routines
• Difficulty transitioning to new activities
• Stimming for self-regulation
• Learning difficulties
• Lack of eye contact
• Struggles with friendships
• Trouble with perspective taking

Autism is on a spectrum

Autism Spectrum Disorder is called that because autistic individuals have a wide range of capabilities and abilities depending on where they fall on the spectrum.

You may have heard some people describes autistic children as “low functioning” or “high functioning.” This isn’t really the best description because anyone who is autistic could be higher functioning in one area and lower functioning in another.

Autism is better explained by their levels:

•            Level One: Requires Support

•            Level Two: Requires Substantial Support

•            Level Three: Requires Very Substantial Support

For a better understanding of what each level looks like, you can read my blog post about the autism levels.

What causes autism?

Experts don’t know exactly what causes autism except that it is related to genetics. If you have a family member who is autistic, then your chances of having an autistic child are greater.

They have identified a few other factors that can increase the risk of a child having autism. Those include:

• If the child has Down Syndrome or Fragile X Syndrome (or another chromosomal disorder)
• Low birth rate or born pre-term
• Parents who are older when they conceive the child
• Pregnancy complications

Years ago, there was a push to say that vaccinations caused autism, but that theory was debunked a long time ago. There was one study that claimed it, but it was flawed. Scientists have found no association between childhood immunizations and autism. Yet, there are those who still promote this idea. If you hear anyone say that, know that it has been proven not to be true.

Autism vs. Autistic

You may hear a debate about whether autistic people want to be referred to as person or identify first. For the autistic community, the overall majority prefer “autistic” versus “with autism.”

Since I write my blog for parents of autistic children, I use both because I found parents sometimes prefer to note their child “with autism.” I try to be sensitive to both preferences by alternating how I use it on my blog. However, please note that autistic people themselves generally prefer to be referred to as being “autistic.”

What are the general supports that are provided to autistic children?

You may hear your family member or friend discuss various care and services they are getting for their autistic child. There are many options, and those depend on the challenges the child needs help with. They can include:

• Cognitive behavior therapy
• Speech therapy
• Occupational therapy
• Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA)
• Individualized Education Plans (IEP) or 504 plans at school
• Behavior intervention plans
• Recreational therapy
• Music therapy
• Art therapy
• Equine therapy
• Medications
• Nutritional counseling
• Physical therapy

An autistic child may receive a few of these or many of them. It depends on their unique challenges.

Do people grow out of autism?

The media portray autism mostly as a childhood condition. However, autistic children grow into autistic adults. There is no “cure” for autism because it’s not an illness – it is a brain development. Once someone is autistic, they are autistic all their life. You can read my blog post about autistic adults.

How can I help my family member or friend who has an autistic child?

So how can you help your family member or a friend who is a parent of an autistic child? In more ways than you think. Here are some suggestions:

• Learn all you can about autism to understand their child and the child’s behavior.
• Be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on when needed. Having an autistic child has its rewards and challenges. Be there to celebrate every small victory for their child and also be there when the stress seems more than your family member or friend can handle.
• Invite them to do things. Even if they repeatedly have to decline (especially at the last minute), keep asking them to come to gatherings, birthday parties, playdates at the park, etc.
• Ask your family member or friend what can you do to make their child more comfortable when they visit your home. Maybe it’s identifying a safe place for them to go and calm down, keeping music and other noise to a minimum, or having the child’s favorite snack available. Let them know you want to help make things easier for them.
• Offer to give them respite by watching their child for an hour or two. That can make a huge difference for parents of an autistic child who do not get enough regular breaks. Many parents are reluctant to ask family and friends to help watch their child because they don’t want to burden them. Your offer to help would mean the world to them.
• Run an errand for your family member or friend. Sometimes, taking an autistic child on multiple errands can be challenging. Offer to pick up a few things at the grocery store or drug store for your friend, or run one of their other children to an activity for them.
• Find out what their autistic child’s special interest is and look for ways to support it. Maybe it’s an outing you can arrange or pick up a book that you think their child will enjoy. If you find a YouTube or other video related to their interest you think they would like, text the link to the parent to share with the child. Show that you care by being involved with what matters to their child.

Where can I find out more about autism?

If you want to dive deeper and find out more about autism, you can click on any of the website listed on my Resources page.

Here are some other resources you may find helpful.

30 Days to Understanding Autism (affiliate link)

Uniquely Human: Updated and Expanded: A Different Way of Seeing Autism (affiliate link)

The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism (affiliate link)

The Autistic Brain: Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed (affiliate link)

Autism Spectrum Disorder (revised): The Complete Guide to Understanding Autism (affiliate link)

The post Autism explainer for family and friends appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

Awareness vs. Acceptance

As a parent, I’ve found over the past 15 years since J was diagnosed that many more people are aware of autism. They may not fully understand it, and they instead may lean more heavily in the stereotypes of autistic people that are readily available in popular media. But I rarely meet a person who isn’t aware of autism these days.

I do see people struggle with understanding how autistic individuals operate and approach the world that was made for neurotypicals. They don’t know how to fully accept how autistics fit into their community as neighbors, co-workers, parents and citizens.

Autism Spectrum Disorder is just that – a broad spectrum of capabilities and challenges. We don’t like to use high or low functioning labels, and it makes sense some individuals can be very high functioning in some areas of their lives and lower functioning in others. I’ve started explaining the tiers (levels 1,2 and 3) of autism to help others better understand where my son and others may fall within the spectrum. That seems to be an easier and more accurate way to explain it.

Yet, we have a long way to go in having our autistic children – no matter their age – accepted in this world. Whether it’s at school, church, sports teams or even the workplace, too many of our children still face isolation, bullying and misunderstanding. As parents, we advocate for our kids, teens and young adults every day. We then must teach them how to advocate for themselves.

Stepping up your advocacy for autism

So how can we as parents, caregivers, teachers and other proponents of autistic children and adults seek more acceptance for them? I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately. What can I do? Then if I can do it, you could do it too.

Here are some things I’ve thought of that I can do to help:

• I can help my son live his best life by continuing to get him the help he needs for struggles he has. He has a great therapist to help with his depression. J has a wonderful job coach through Vocational Rehabilitation. She is helping him find new job that is a better fit for him. I am helping him navigate starting classes again at our community college.
• Although I haven’t paid as much in attention in the past of autism-related policies, I am learning more about that. As policies, regulations and laws are brought forth in all levels of government, I can use my voice to reach out to my legislators and council members to let them know my support or opposition to what they propose.
• I can volunteer my time and talents to support local organizations that serve the autism community. I was a board member for three years for my local Autism Community Connection and felt like I was really helping families affected by autism in our area.
• As I have since J was diagnosed, I will continue to look for opportunities to educate others about autism and what life with it really looks like.
• This blog is one of the ways that I have to help support other parents with autistic children who also have ADHD. I have learned so much over the past 15 years that I want to use that to help others. I also love to research and learn new things, so I want those talents to also benefit others as I share what I learn.

How can you help drive more acceptance for autism?

Ask yourself today what can you do to help strive for more acceptance for your autistic child? If you are overwhelmed, it may be some baby steps you can take. However, if you are in a similar season of life like me where you do have some more time available, maybe there are bigger steps you can take.

Any momentem forward is good and can help progress acceptance of our children in this world.

Leave a comment below to share what Autism Acceptance Month means to you!

The post What Autism Acceptance Month means to me as a parent of an autistic child appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

Our experience of family rejection of autism

I know this from personal experience. Our son J was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (no longer its own diagnosis but part of the autism spectrum disorder) at age 4. It was a surprise to us because I was originally having him tested for ADHD. (That diagnosis came two years later once he was in kindergarten.) I didn’t really know anything about autism at the time, so I had a big learning curve when he was diagnosed. I leaned heavily on his doctors for guidance and threw myself into deep research to help him.

We had a pair of relatives who refused to accept his autism. In fact, one of them actually said to me, “I don’t see anything wrong with him, and I don’t believe it.” I explained to him that J didn’t have “anything wrong with him” but that he did have a different operating system so that we needed to change our approach with him to help him live better. They refused. They wouldn’t follow any of his routines, refused to follow our food preferences for him (based on guidance from his doctor), and wouldn’t honor any of our instructions for him. It was a big problem because we saw these individuals a lot.

We tried many of the suggestions that I list below, but they refused to change. For this and many other reasons, we had to walk away from them. Although it was a hard situation to go through, it was the right decision for our family and especially to protect our son J. I wish things could have been different, but you cannot change others when they have no desire to make those changes.

Thankfully, none of our other family outright rejected J’s autism. We did – and still do – deal with those who don’t understand it and made us feel like we just weren’t parenting well enough. Even though we certainly aren’t perfect parents, we can honestly say we’ve done our best and have helped J through a great number of tough situations in his life. We have approached J’s challenges with what is best for him in mind. The discipline that the previous generation tended to use did not work with J, and it always failed when we gave in and tried it. I finally stopped trying to listen to well-intentioned but wrong advice from others and went with what I knew was the better approach for him. That was always much more successful.

Why some family and friends may reject a child’s autism diagnosis

So why do some family and friends reject a child’s autism diagnosis? I did some research on this and what I’ve found is that really the potential reasons behind the rejection have much more to do with the person who isn’t accepting the diagnosis than it has to do with the child.

For example, some family members could be afraid that they too may have autism. Autism is thought to be mostly hereditary, so if you have a family member who sees some of the same traits in themselves as they see in your child, then they may worry that they too have autism. They may be much older and cannot bear the thought of having a late diagnosis. I don’t think this was our situation, however, these relatives were in J’s two family lines where a couple of his cousins also were diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

In many cases, family or friends don’t understand autism because they lack knowledge about it. I had some family or friends who looked at some information I sent them and learned about it to better understand J. Others just refused to learn anything about it. It felt like they didn’t want to accept it, so if they didn’t learn more about it, then they didn’t have to change anything they did with J.

Another reason is thinking parents are using autism as an excuse for their child’s difficult behavior. Because they refuse to learn more about autism, they don’t understand the challenges it brings to the child and their family. They just judge the parents as being bad parents and unable to control their child.

An additional reason is they don’t want your child to be “labeled” in society. They say things like, “they don’t look autistic.” This can be well intentioned, but it will be much harder for your child to navigate through life if you and they are not truthful about who they are. My son J would not be who he is without autism. He is very open with people about it, and he accepts it as part of who he is. When someone doesn’t accept his autism, he views them as not accepting him.

Ways to handle the rejection and protect your child

What can you do as a parent to deal with this rejection? Here are some suggestions:

1. Provide education about autism

I think better understanding autism goes a long way in helping people to accept those who are autistic and fosters knowledge about how they approach the world. If you have family and friends who are open to learning, send articles or book recommendations that you’ve found helpful in your journey. You can also send them the link to my resources page, and they can read about autism and ADHD from any of those credible sources. If they prefer to listen to other parents and advocates discuss autism, have them check out these podcasts.

2. Talk to other parents of autistic children

Talking to other parents of autistic children may give you ideas of how to deal with these situations based on their learning from similar situations. You may learn something from them, but also you will have someone to share with who understands and can lament with you.

3. Be patient and know it may take time

People tend to be set in their ways so know that it may take time for a relative or friend to come around and accept your child’s diagnosis.

4. Discuss your child’s challenges in ways that don’t mention autism

Everyone has struggles, and your child is no exception. You can discuss their challenges without mentioning the relation to autism. Your relative or friend may better understand them that way.

5. Decide how much interaction you want with the family member or friend

In the end, it’s up to you to decide how much you want to interact with this person. It may be someone who you value so much that you are willing to completely let it go and hope that things change over time or accept they won’t. You may determine it’s best to limit your family’s time with the person or even walk away entirely if things turn toxic. You have to do what is best for you, your child and your family overall. That is what is most important.

Do you have experience with family or friends who reject your child’s autism diagnosis? If so, leave a comment below so that we can share and encourage each other on this journey.

Additional resources

Want to learn more about this topic? Check out these additional resources.

Don’t Look Away: My Child Has Autism (affiliate link)

Your Child is Not Broken: Parent Your Neurodivergent Child Without Losing Your Marbles (affiliate link)

Trauma, Stigma, and Autism (affiliate link)

Sincerely, Your Autistic Child: What People on the Autism Spectrum Wish Their Parents Knew About Growing Up, Acceptance, and Identity (affiliate link)

The post What can you do if family and friends reject your child’s autism diagnosis? appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

Why driving is more challenging for autistic and ADHD teenage drivers

First, let’s discuss why driving may be more challenging for those who are autistic and have ADHD. These challenges can include:

• Being heavily rules bound – this can be a good thing. It also can be bad when your autistic teen is driving. Autistics tend to believe others will follow the rules of the road and can be caught off guard when many drivers don’t. For example, my friend’s son who is autistic was in an automobile accident because he went on a green at a stoplight and didn’t wait for a car running the red light to clear the intersection. He said that it was green, and he was adamant that it was his turn to go. Defensive driving is so important to driving safety, and many autistic drivers struggle with it.
• Losing focus due to distractions – those with ADHD deal with distraction and lack of focus. Those can be deadly when someone is driving. Keeping your teen focused on the road can be challenging.
• Lacking coordination – some autistic people have difficulty with fine motor skill. Those play important roles in the hand, eye and foot coordination needed for driving a car. Working with an occupational therapist could help improve these skills.
• Having to make quick decisions – when you are driving, you have to make split-second decisions in many instances that could mean avoiding an accident. Teens with autism and ADHD can lack the ability to make decisions quickly. That can play into their driving safety.
• Dealing with sensory issues – many people with autism have sensitivities to light and sound. That can have a big effect on their driving abilities. For example, they may have difficulty driving with loud emergency vehicles coming at them. Another example is they also may have challenges when the sun is shining brightly in the direction they are driving.
• Being impatient with traffic delays – we all get annoyed when we are delayed due to slow traffic because of construction, an accident or other road issue. However, many autistic/ADHD teens and young adults may have difficulty controlling their emotions of being frustrated and angry in these situations.

Invest in driving lessons for your teenager with autism and ADHD

One of the best things you can do to help your autistic/ADHD teen with safe driving is to invest time and money in driving lessons for them once you have determined they are ready to drive.

My son J has his learner’s permit and is working with an occupational therapist who is giving him driving lessons through a program covered by Vocational Rehabilitation. In addition, we had him complete the online driver’s education course through a local driving academy. He also has taken six hours of driving instruction with them. In all, he will end up with more than 40 hours of formal driving instruction. This is in addition to practicing driving with us.

It helps me as a parent know that he is learning to drive from professionals who are trained to teach teenagers and young adults how to drive.

Technology can help with driving safety

While technology can be a distraction with driving when used inappropriately, there are also many ways that it can help your teen with autism and ADHD stay safe while driving. Here are some ways technology helps with driving:

• Newer cars include a lot of safety technology in them, including back-up video cameras (which almost all vehicles have if they were made after May 2018), lane change detection, electronic stability control and even automatic braking in some cars.
• There are many apps that could help your teen with focusing on the road while they are driving. Most Android and iPhone phones allow you to set a message to reply to any text messages that note you are unavailable while driving. Many apps also will go into car or drive mode when it is connected to the car and detects it in motion.
  • Parents can set up apps that allow them to monitor their teens’ driving. Some include:
    • Bouncie – this has a device portal that you place in your teen’s car and monitors driving history, trip tracking, speed, harsh braking and more
  • • Famisafe – this app is installed on your and your teen’s devices and can provide driving reports, location tracking and more. You set up driving rules, and the app will alert you if any are being violated while your teen is driving.
  • • Mamabear – with this app, you can receive speeding alerts when your teen is driving too fast (or riding in a car that is going too fastDrivescribe – this Android app blocks phone calls, text messages and email notifications while you are driving. It also tracks your performance while driving and provides you with your statistics to help you drive better and safer.

Other ways to keep your teen safe while driving if they have autism and ADHD

What are some other things you can do to help ensure your teen with autism and ADHD is driving safely?

• Teach them what to do if their car breaks down or they have a flat tire. Ensure you include roadside assistance numbers in their contacts on their cell phone so they can call for help. Make sure they have an emergency kit in the trunk of their car and also a blanket, flashlight, car safety hammer and first aid kit.
• Include a phone charger in their car in case their battery is running low. You want them to have a fully charged phone in case of emergencies.
• Emphasize the importance of not texting or using their phone while driving. If they need to make a call or send a text message, teach them to pull off into a safe parking lot to use their phone if something is urgent. Otherwise, they can wait until they reach their destination to check their phone.
• Set up a phone holder in their car to use GPS for directions to their destination. That way they can see it hands free and listen to the navigation instructions.
• Add a compass to their dashboard if their car doesn’t have one. This will help them know for sure which way they are traveling.
• Have them drive familiar routes when possible until they get more experience and are comfortable with driving less familiar routes.

Additional resources

Looking for additional resources on this topic? Take a look at these.

Botocar New Driver Magnet for Car (affiliate link)

The Driving Book: Everything New Drivers Need to Know but Don’t Know to Ask (affiliate link)

Roadside Assistance Emergency Car Kit (affiliate link)

Magsafe Car Mount Charger 15W Fast Charging Wireless Car Charger with Strong Magnetic Adjustable Air Vent Phone Holder (affiliate link)

THINKWORK Car Safety Hammer, 3-in-1 Emergency Escape Tool (affiliate link)

What experience have you had in keeping your teen with autism and ADHD safe while driving? Share your additional tips in the comments so that we can encourage and support one another on this journey!

The post How to keep your teenager safe while driving if they have autism and ADHD appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

Where the blue pumpkin bucket for autism idea originated

So where did the idea of using a blue pumpkin bucket for Trick-or-Treating and autism awareness originate from? A parent looking to help other people better understand her son and autism suggested it on social media, and the idea went viral.

Alicia Plumer’s son was 21 years old at the time and loved Halloween and Trick-or-Treating. Some people wouldn’t understand why the adult would be out on Halloween night participating with children in a tradition of going house-to-house and collecting candy. So, she came up with the idea and posted it to her Facebook profile.

The idea came from the teal pumpkin that is used to identify children who have food allergies.

In a Newsweek article, her post noted, “If you see someone who appears to be an adult dressed up to trick-or-treat this year carrying this blue bucket, he’s our son! His name is BJ & he is autistic. While he has the body of a 21-year-old, he loves Halloween.”

She also said, “Please help us keep his spirit alive & happy. So when you see the blue bucket share a piece of candy. Spread awareness! These precious people are not ‘too big’ to trick or treat.”

As you can imagine, some parents loved the idea of the blue pumpkin bucket for their own autistic children, and others had a more negative reaction to it. Since then, many parents have debated on whether using the blue pumpkin bucket sends the right message.

Pros of using a blue pumpkin for Trick-or-Treating

Some parents loved the idea of the blue pumpkin and have embraced it for their own autistic children. For them, they like the media attention it has received, and they feel like it helps people in their community better understand their child and why they may not say the same things (or not say anything if they are non-verbal) when Trick-or-Treating.

Other parents like that the blue pumpkin buckets are another way to raise awareness of autism. It’s a touchpoint during the year when information about autism is shared.

Cons of using a blue pumpkin for Trick-or-Treating

The blue pumpkin for autism has also received a lot of backlash from parents. They feel like it unnecessarily brings attention to their autistic child in a situation where it’s not needed. I have seen comments on social media posts such as, “Every child deserves treats if a person is giving out candy for Trick-or-Treating. They shouldn’t expect a child to say the words, ‘Trick or Treat’ to receive the candy.”

Many have stated that they don’t think this is a good way to educate others about autism and isn’t needed.

Decide what is best for your child

As I have said many times, you know what’s best for your child. Whether you decide to have your autistic child use a blue pumpkin bucket for Trick-or-Treating is completely up to you.

If you think this is a good way to help your autistic child and those in your community better understand your child and their behavior, then use the blue pumpkin bucket.

However, if you think it singles out your child and/or excludes them, then use another Trick-or-Treat bucket or bag.

My son J had just stopped Trick-or-Treating when I heard about the blue pumpkin buckets, so I didn’t really think much about it. Over the years, I’ve listened as parents of autistic children have debated and can see both sides of the argument. I don’t know if I necessarily would have purchased and used a blue pumpkin bucket for autism awareness. Of course, J does love the color blue, so he may have wanted to use one.

What do you think about this debate? What ways have helped your child with Trick-or-Treating in your community for Halloween? Leave a comment to share and encourage each other on this journey.

Additional resources

Looking for some additional resources on this topic? Check these out.

Things I Can Say While I am Trick or Treating This Halloween: A Pocket-Sized Book For Children with Autism (affiliate link)

I Am Autistic Halloween Trick Or Treat Autism Awareness Bumper Sticker (affiliate link)

2Pcs Halloween Candy Bucket with LED Colour Lights (affiliate link)

10 Pieces Halloween Pumpkin Bucket Trick or Treat Bucket (affiliate link)

Autism Alert Card – ADHD Awareness Cards Infinity (affiliate link)

The post Blue Pumpkin for autism and Trick-or-Treating: parents debate on whether it’s good for their autistic child appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

The Book: “Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism” (affiliate link)

Author: Barry M. Prizant, Ph.D., CCC-SLP

What is it about?

The cover explains so well what this book is about. It says, “Autism is not an illness. It’s a different way of being human. Autistic children and adults progress through development stages as well as we do. To help them, we don’t need to ‘fix’ them. We need to understand them and then change ourselves – our beliefs, attitudes, and actions.”

Dr. Prizant pulls from his long career working with autistic children and adults through school and health systems to help families, school administrators, teachers and others to think and approach autism differently. He shares many examples of how changing our views and strategies with working with autistic people benefits them, solves problems and helps them live better lives.

What I liked about this book

I really enjoyed the many stories of autistic children and adults that Dr. Prizant shared throughout the book. It helped as a parent to hear others’ experiences and success stories of how situations could be worked out to the benefit of the child.

It also was refreshing to see autism put into the light of how autistic people are more similar to neurotypicals than different. Many books and references talk about autism “symptoms” and different behaviors. Dr. Prizant instead presents them not as different but as behaviors that are more pronounced or intense. There is a positive side to autism that many of us forget to focus on for our children.

What I didn’t like about this book

Honestly, there wasn’t anything about this book that I didn’t like. It was well written, and the information and stories were all relevant to the topic.

Would I recommend this book?

Absolutely, I recommend the “Uniquely Human” book (affiliate link) for every parent who has a child with autism. It is well worth the read, and I learned a great deal from the book.

My rating: 4 out of 5 stars*

*(1 being the worst and 5 being the best)

The post Book Review: “Uniquely Human” provides a positive perspective of autism for parents and others appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

Autism Quotes

“I’ve learned that every human being, with or without disabilities, needs to strive to do their best, and by striving for happiness you will arrive at happiness. For us, you see, having autism is normal—so we can’t know for sure what your ‘normal’ is even like. But so long as we can learn to love ourselves, I’m not sure how much it matters whether we’re normal or autistic.”

– Naoki Higashida, autistic who wrote The Reason I Jump when he was 13 years old

“I see people with Asperger’s syndrome as a bright thread in the rich tapestry of life.” – Dr. Tony Attwood, psychiatrist and Asperger’s Syndrome/autism expert

“This crusade to fix herself was ending right now. She wasn’t broken. She saw and interacted with the world in a different way, but that was her. She could change her actions, change her words, change her appearance, but she couldn’t change the root of herself. At her core, she would always be autistic. People called it a disorder, but it didn’t feel like one. To her, it was simply the way she was.”

– Helen Hoang, author of The Kiss Quotient

“I don’t want my thoughts to die with me, I want to have done something. I’m not interested in power, or piles of money. I want to leave something behind. I want to make a positive contribution – know that my life has meaning.” – Dr. Temple Grandin, autistic author/speaker and animal behaviorist

“Think of it: a disability is usually defined in terms of what is missing. … But autism … is as much about what is abundant as what is missing, an over-expression of the very traits that make our species unique.” – Paul Collins, autistic and author of Not Even Wrong: Adventures in Autism

“Autism, is part of my child, it’s not everything he is. My child is so much more than a diagnosis.” – Sandra L Westendorf-Coelho, author of The World According to August – One Good Friend

“The concept of neurodiversity provides a paradigm shift in how we think about mental functioning. Instead of regarding large portions of the American public as suffering from deficit, disease, or dysfunction in their mental processing, neurodiversity suggests that we instead speak about differences in cognitive functioning.”  – Dr. Thomas Armstrong, author of Neurodiversity: Discovering the Extraordinary Gifts of Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Other Brain Differences

“Our duty in autism is not to cure but to relieve suffering and to maximize each person’s potential.” – John Elder Robison, autistic adult and author of several books including Look Me in the Eye

“Everyone has a mountain to climb and autism has not been my mountain, it has been my opportunity for victory.” – Rachel Barcellona, autistic and pageant professional

“The most interesting people you’ll find are ones that don’t fit into your average cardboard box. They’ll make what they need, they’ll make their own boxes.” – Dr. Temple Grandin

ADHD Quotes

“ADHD isn’t a bad thing, and you shouldn’t feel different from those without ADHD.” – Adam Levine, lead singer of band Maroon 5 and diagnosed with ADHD as a child

“ADHD is not about knowing what to do, but about doing what one knows.” – Dr. Russell Barkley, psychiatrist and ADHD expert

“I prefer to distinguish ADD as attention abundance disorder. Everything is just so interesting, remarkably at the same time.” – Frank Coppola, movie director

“With the disorganization, procrastination, inability to focus, and all the other bad things that come with ADHD, there also comes creativity and the ability to take risks.” – David Neeleman, founder of JetBlue Airways

“I didn’t let ADHD prevent me from achieving my goals, and neither should you.” – Howie Mandel, actor

“ADHD hasn’t changed me…It is me. It’s an undeniable and simple fact of who I am.” – Tilly” –  Mazey Eddings, author of Tilly in Technicolor

“You have to take a leap of faith and believe that living an authentic life of personal power and pride is more important than the fear and pain that have been holding you back.” –  Sari Solden, author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD: Embrace Neurodiversity, Live Boldly, and Break Through Barriers

“Passion isn’t everything, but everything is better with passion, especially if you have ADHD. I hope that you all find that passion about something or someone. Never stop looking for it. Once you find it, fight for it with every breath.” – Shayne Neal, author of From Misery to Happiness: A Poetic Journey Through Love, Loss, and Second Chances

“Each one of us is different, but one thing that is true; Each one of us is wonderfully made, and so, my dear, are you!” – Donna Anello, author of Understanding Charlie

“ADHD is not a deficit of attention, but rather a difficulty in regulating one’s attention.” –  Dr. Ari Tuckman, psychologist

Parenting Quotes

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” – Dr. Benjamin Spock, pediatrician

“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.”

 –  C. JoyBell C., author

“What it’s like to be a parent: It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.” – Nicholas Sparks, The Wedding

“I don’t remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.”-  Anne Lamott, author of Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year

“…the love, respect, and confidence of my children was the sweetest reward I could receive for my efforts to be the woman I would have them copy.”- Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

“I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be.” – Fred Rogers, American television host and author

“Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.” – Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

“By loving them for more than their abilities we show our children that they are much more than the sum of their accomplishments.” – Eileen Kennedy-Moore, author of Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child’s True Potential

“It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.” – Joyce Maynard, novelist and journalist

“You’re going to get a lot of advice from people, and you can take bits and pieces, but you know innately what your child needs. You should trust that. Don’t beat yourself up for making decisions about things that may or may not work. It’s an experiment in life, and you’re a part of that.” – Lucy Liu, actress and director

More inspiration

Need a reminder about the positive side of autism and ADHD? Read my blog post. Other parents, teachers and autism advocates share how they focus on a more positive mindset about their child’s autism in this post. Finally, here is why I’m thankful for my son’s autism.

Do you have other quotes about autism, ADHD and/or parenting that inspire you? If so, leave them in the comments to share and encourage each other on this journey?

Additional resources

Looking for more sources of inspiration in addition to the autism, ADHD and parenting quotes above? Check out these books!

The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism (affiliate link)

Forever Boy: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism and Finding Joy (affiliate link)

I Will Die on This Hill (affiliate link)

Optimism for Autism: The Inspiring Journey of a Mother and her Autistic Son (affiliate link)

The Autistic Brain: Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed (affiliate link)

The post Be Inspired: 30 quotes about autism, ADHD and parenting appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

The Social Story Book

When my son J was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at age 4, the school psychologist suggested that I read The New Social Story Book, Revised and Expanded 15th Anniversary Edition (affiliate link). I’m so glad she did! I had never heard of social stories before, and I kept coming back to this book over and over to find stories that would help J prepare or better manage a social situation. This is definitely one of the autism and ADHD books that I recommend parents keep on their shelves over the years to refer to when needed. You will be happy that you did.

Out-of-Sync Child

This was another one recommended to me by the psychologist who diagnosed my son J. He had ultra hearing and some other sensory issues, and I found The Out-of-Sync Child, Third Edition: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Differences (affiliate link) so helpful in better understanding sensory difficulties. The author gives some wonderful practical and applicable guidance on how to help your child.

1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger’s

I came across 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger’s (affiliate link) in a bookstore when my son J was still young, and I’m so glad I decided to read this book. It is full of wonderful ideas and practical suggestions for parents of an autistic child. I referred back to it and used it a lot for many years to help me with J.

The Autistic Brain: Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed

I love reading and watching anything from Dr. Temple Grandin (who has autism herself), but the book The Autistic Brain: Helping Different Kinds of Minds Succeed (affiliate link) is especially informative as your autistic child nears the teen and young adult years. She talks about the history of autism and how autistic brains think visually and differently. Dr. Grandin also includes a lot of information about careers and employment in the book, which is helpful for parents of autistic teens and young adults.

Taking Charge of ADHD

Dr. Russell Barkley is one of the leading experts on ADHD, and I found his book Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents (affiliate link) especially helpful for better understanding ADHD and how to help my son J. He provides so much good advice about behavior management, partnership with your child’s school and so much more.

Uniquely Human

I am about halfway done with Uniquely Human: Updated and Expanded: A Different Way of Seeing Autism (affiliate link) and finding it so helpful. Dr. Barry Prizant shows how autism is a unique way of being human and how many “autistic” behaviors are really behaviors that neurotypicals have too but at a different intensity level. I have enjoyed reading about his own experiences in working with so many autistic children throughout his career and have been able to relate those experiences to similar ones that my son has had. I plan to do a full review of this book once I’m done reading it.

The Explosive Child

I found the learning and strategies from Dr. Ross Greene in The Explosive Child (affiliate link) incredibly practical for the challenging behavior from my son J and his younger brother. It’s a more collaborative way of working with your child to reduce those behaviors and to learn why your child is behaving that way. You can read my full book review of this book in this blog post.

The Upside of Stress

As a parent of an autistic/ADHD child, you probably have quite a bit of stress in your life. However, stress doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s how you respond to stress that can cause negative effects. Dr. Kelly McGonigal challenges us to look at the positive side of it in The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It (affiliate link). You can read my full review of this book in this blog post.

Smart but Scattered

Our kids with autism and ADHD have a double whammy when it comes to impairment of their executive function skills. I loved Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary “Executive Skills” Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential (affiliate link) because it gave me not only a very good overview of executive function skills but so much practical advice on how to help my child. The authors even provided a quiz for me to take to better understand my own executive function skills strengths and weaknesses and educated me on those that could help or hinder my ability to help my son. You can read my full review of this book in this blog post.

The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome

When my son J was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (now part of the autism spectrum disorder diagnosis criteria), the psychologist recommended books by Dr. Tony Atwood. I thought The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) (affiliate link) was the best one and most helpful. It gave me such a great understanding of Asperger’s Syndrome, characteristics, behaviors and practical advice on how to help my son. I know people don’t like to use the high-functioning label, but if your child is less profound on the spectrum, this would be a good book to read.

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