What is Social-Emotional Learning (SEL)?

First, what is social-emotional learning? The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) defines Social-Emotional Learning as “the process through which all young people and adults acquire and apply the knowledge, skills, and attitudes to develop healthy identities, manage emotions and achieve personal and collective goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain supportive relationships, and make responsible and caring decisions.”

SEL focuses on five skill sets:

• Self-awareness
• Relationship skills
• Self-control (or self-management)
• Social awareness
• Responsible decision-making

All of these skills are essential to every person living a healthy life with others. Yet, these are very skills that so many autistic children and teens (and adults) struggle with every day.

Many times, schools – especially special education classrooms and support programs – will teach SEL skills to students. Some school systems implement SEL best practices across all their classrooms to support all students and not just those who have Individualized Education Plans (IEP).

At school, SEL could look like:

• An activity in which a teacher will have students identify how they are feeling at the moment since being aware of their emotions is a key foundational aspect of SEL.
• A session during which the teacher talks about coping strategies for dealing with certain emotions such as grief or anger and the importance of learning emotional control.
• An exercise that discusses the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships and how to make and keep friendships.

During your autistic child’s next IEP planning session, be sure to ask their team if they could add SEL to your child’s plan if they haven’t already.

How can Social-Emotional Learning help those with autism?

Social skills, effective communication and emotional regulation are challenges at the heart of autism. Autistic people think differently because of the way their brain has developed, and it can be difficult for them to communicate and build relationships the way neurotypicals do. It’s also hard for them to understand and control their emotions.

Social-emotional learning is a key to helping those with autism develop these essential skills in life. It can help them immensely in school, at home and in their future lives at work and in their community. SEL can help them:

• Regulate their emotions
• Be more self-aware
• Build more positive relationships
• Increase their self-esteem
• Teach them how to set goals and make good decisions
• Foster independence
• Enhance social skills
• Help them communicate more effectively

I now can see where my son J’s speech therapist in elementary school incorporated SEL into his social skills and communication training. It definitely helped him be more aware of his emotions and how to better manage them along with improving his social awareness.

Ways you can support your autistic child’s Social-Emotional Learning

So, how can you as a parent or caregiver support Social-Emotional Learning for your child with autism? Here are some suggestions.

1. Role play different scenarios with your autistic child

Role play is a wonderful way to help your child better understand how to act socially and emotionally to different situations. (I wrote an entire post about role play, and it includes a link to my role playing guide you can download for free.)

2. Model behaviors for your child

Children pick up so much by watching our actions and behaviors. Your child will learn from you by watching you effectively manage your emotions, interact with others and communicate well.

3. Look for teachable moments

Teachable moments are available every day for all of us. When you see good and bad examples of emotional control and social interactions, point them out to your child and discuss them. What went well? What could have been better? What could you or they improve in future situations?

4. Help them identify their emotions

Learning how to control emotions better first requires accurate identification of them. I think many autistic children have the big ones – happiness, sadness, anger, fear – figured out. I believe many children need help in identifying some of the more subtle ones and putting names to them – irritability, frustration, confusion, worry, contentment, optimism and many more. You could use an emotions chart and social stories to help your child identify their feelings.

5. Assist your child with learning perspective-taking

Being able to understand other people’s point of views or feelings can go a long way in improving relationships. That is why it’s important to help your autistic child learn perspective-taking. Read this blog post for suggestions about how to help your child improve this skill.

6. Teach your autistic child problem-solving skills

Learning how to solve problems and resolve conflict is an essential skill set for your child to learn. It’s important they learn how to observe the problem, figure out how they are feeling, determine how they want to feel, think about solutions, and then come up with a plan to fix the problem. This article has some great ways to help teach your child problem-solving skills.

Have you successfully incorporated social-emotional learning into activities with your child with autism both at home and at school? What is your advice for other parents? Leave a comment below so that we can share and encourage each other on this journey.

Additional Resources

Want some additional resources? Check out these.

Social Cipher Online Game (read my review and use Code TAMARA10 at checkout)

50 Social Emotional Learning Lessons Vol. 1 (affiliate link)

Happy or Not Board Game (affiliate link)

Sometimes I Have Big Feelings: A Child’s Guide to Understanding and Expressing Emotions (affiliate link)

Social-Emotional Learning for Autistic Kids: Fun Activities to Manage Big Feelings and Make Friends (For Ages 5-10) (affiliate link)

The post Exploring Social Emotional Learning’s Impact on Children with Autism appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

What are executive function skills?

First, what are executive function skills? The Harvard Center for the Developing Child says “executive function and self-regulation skills are the mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully. Just as an air traffic control system at a busy airport safely manages the arrivals and departures of many aircraft on multiple runways, the brain needs this skill set to filter distractions, prioritize tasks, set and achieve goals, and control impulses.”

I love this definition and the analogy they use with air traffic controllers. It’s a great way to think about how we use these essential skills every day.

Executive function skills are bucketed into three categories:

• Working Memory – the ability to hold information for following instructions, planning, organizing, etc.
• Cognitive or Flexible Thinking – this is the ability to think about things in more than one way and is important for problem solving
• Inhibitory or Self Control – this includes the ability to pay attention and resist distractions and/or temptations

Some specific executive function skills include:

• Impulse control
• Emotional control
• Planning
• Task initiation and completion
• Organizing
• Self-monitoring
• Prioritizing
• Perseverance
• Time management

How do you determine which executive function skills your autistic child lacks?

How can you determine which executive function skills your child or teen with autism and ADHD lacks? Observing their behavior or struggles in school can help most parents, caregivers or teachers fairly easily identify which of these skills a child or teen lacks.

When determining my son J’s executive function skills level (and my own as his parent), I liked the assessment that was included in the “Smart but Scattered Teens: The “Executive Skills” Program for Helping Teens Reach Their Potential” book (affiliate link). It helps you determine what are your teen’s strengths and weaknesses when it comes to executive function skills. It also helps you rank them as which ones are the most prevalent. This can help you determine how you can best help your child.

I also learned from the book that if one of your strengths in executive function skills is one of your child’s or teen’s biggest weaknesses, then you probably are not the best person to help your child improve that one. It’s best to seek help from others to help your child.

Ways the lack of executive function skills are holding back your child with autism and ADHD

Lacking these essential skills in life can affect your autistic/ADHD child or teen in many ways. These can include:

1. Impact to relationships

If your child has difficulty controlling their emotions and impulsivity, their relationships will suffer because you as a parent, other relatives, teachers, peers, friends and others can grow frustrated over time at the repeat of the same issues related to these. Lack of these executive function skills can greatly and negatively impact their relationships with many people in their lives.

2.  Ability to master life skills

Life skills that require planning, organizing, task initiation/completion, prioritization and more can be greatly affected by the lack of executive function skills. That could include money management, career development, household management, health care management, meal planning and more. Improving these important skills in life can help set your child or teen up for success as an adult.

3. Competence in school

Lack of executive function skills such as the ability to pay attention, working memory, time management and self-monitoring can affect your autistic child or teen’s ability to do well in school. If you help your child/teen improve some of these skills, they will be able to learn better at school.

4. Low self-esteem

The lack of executive function skills can make your child or teen think less of themselves because they struggle so much in school, home, extracurricular activities and relationships. This results in low self-esteem and decreased confidence in their own abilities.

5. Problem-solving capabilities

Not being able to be flexible and adaptable in their thinking may limit your autistic child or teen’s problem-solving capabilities. Helping them improve their executive function skills can really help them see things differently and understand others’ perspectives to better solve problems and issues.

How to help your child improve their executive function skills

While the lack of executive function skills can significantly affect your autistic/ADHD child or teen, the good news is that these skills can be improved! I have written many blog posts about improving different areas of executive function skills. To help your child or teen, read these posts for tips and steps you can take to help them.

• 4 ways to help your ADHD child with impulse control
• 12 ways to help your child with autism and ADHD improve executive function
• 14 ways to teach an autistic and ADHD child self-regulation
• 9 tips to teach your autistic and ADHD child or teen organization skills
• 4 ways to educate your autistic and ADHD child about perspective taking
• “Smart but Scattered Teens” helps parents collaborate with their autistic and ADHD teens to improve executive function skills
• 5 ways to help your autistic and ADHD child develop emotional control
• 8 ways to help your child with ADHD focus when bored or disinterested
• How to help your child with ADHD overcome procrastination
• 10 ways to help your autistic and ADHD child improve their working memory

What ways have you helped your child with autism and ADHD improve their executive function skills? Leave a comment below so that we can share and encourage each other on this journey!

Additional resources

Do you want to find out more about executive function skills and how to help your autistic/ADHD child or teen improve theirs? Take a look at these resources.

Executive Functioning Workbook for Kids: 40 Fun Activities to Build Memory, Flexible Thinking, and Self-Control Skills at Home, in School, and Beyond (affiliate link)

Executive Functioning Superpowers: Inclusive Strategies that Embrace Neurodiversity at Home and in the Classroom. Helping Kids Stay Calm, Get Organized and Achieve Success (affiliate link)

The Executive Functioning Workbook for Teens: Help for Unprepared, Late, and Scattered Teens (affiliate link)

Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary “Executive Skills” Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential (affiliate link)

Executive Functioning Skills for Teens: Super Easy to Use Strategies, Games, Tools, and Activities That Work! Help Your Kids Get Organized, Improve Focus, Self Confidence, and Life Skills (affiliate link)

The post 5 ways the lack of executive function skills are holding back your child with autism and ADHD appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

What are the autism diagnosis levels?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition, defines Autism Spectrum Disorder with three levels to help healthcare professionals, parents, educators and others determine the amount of support and treatment or therapies a person on the spectrum needs. It’s not a perfect system, but it is better than trying to define the amount functionality an autistic person has.

Here are the three levels:

• Level One: Requires Support
• Level Two: Requires Substantial Support
• Level Three: Requires Very Substantial Support

What do the autism levels look like practically?

So, it’s great to have the autism levels, but what do they mean and how do they look in a practical sense to help you and your child’s doctor define where your child falls on the spectrum?

Autism Level One: Requires Support

Autistic children on Level One require some support but not a lot. This is where my son J falls on the spectrum. He was originally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (no longer its own diagnosis), so we used to note he was “high functioning.” Yet, that didn’t really accurately describe him because in some ways he was but in other areas he needed more help. We obtained that help for him through speech therapy during elementary school, occupational therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, medication and job coaching.

How does Autism Level One translate practically? Those on Level One generally:

• Need some help in improving their communications with those who are neurotypical, especially their peers
• Speak well, in complete sentences and comprehensively, but they tend to fatigue during long back-and-forth conversations with neurotypicals
• Tend to mask long-term to better fit into their environment (which can lead to autistic burnout)
• Have difficulty knowing the right thing to say or do in social situations
• Find they have a lack organizational and other executive function skills
• Focus on special interests
• Have some challenge in shifting from one activity to another and can be inflexible in actions and thought patterns at times
• Tend to persevere, or focus on something longer than necessary
• Experience some sensory issues
• Will usually become independent eventually, but it may look different than their neurotypical peers

Those on Level One will need some therapies and treatments to help them function and communicate better in the world. They also will need some accommodations at school to help them be more successful academically.

Autism Level Two: Requires Substantial Support

Individuals who are on Level Two require substantial support. Traits and abilities in these individuals can include:

• Have difficulty communicating in ways that neurotypicals understand, using fewer words and noticeably different speech patterns
• Socialize in ways that neurotypicals don’t comprehend, such as walking away from a conversation and many times missing facial and body language cues from others
• Are focused on very specific interests that may be considered strange or even bizarre by someone who is neurotypical
• Tend to have more challenge shifting from one activity to the next one
• Use more excessive stimming behaviors to self-regulate
• Have more substantial sensory issues

Those on Level Two will require more support than those on Level One. They will need more school accommodations, and additional therapy and treatment will be needed to help them function better.

Autism Level Three: Requires Very Substantial Support

Those on Level Three are more severe or profound in their autistic traits and have lower capabilities. Most autistic people who are Level Three will need others to care for them their entire lives.

Individuals on Level Three may:

• Be non-verbal or only use echolalia to communicate, which may require them to use an augmented and alternative communication (AAC) device to help them communicate
• Interact with others on a limited basis, mostly to have a need met
• Prefer to do things alone instead of with others
• Have significant social deficiencies and little interest in developing friendships
• Show more stimming needs such as rocking, spinning and  other such behaviors
• Become distressed when switching tasks or activities
• Be unable to mask and fit in with others
• Have difficulty completing daily living activities by themselves

Autistic children and teens on Level Three are most likely to be in special education classrooms at school or even receive only one-on-one instruction to help with basic academic and more life skills. They also will benefit from a greater array of therapies and treatments.

Why are the levels better to use than functionality in explaining autism to others?

As a parent, I find using the levels can be better in explaining my son and his abilities to others. Trying to use high or low function to describe our autistic children’s capabilities is difficult. That is because they can be higher functioning in some areas, and then need much more support and considered lower functioning in other areas. And then what does high functioning or low functioning really mean and what about all the people who are in the middle of those two bookends?

So many people who aren’t educated about autism tend to rely on stereotypes they see in the media. I did my capstone project for my master’s degree on evaluating the types of descriptions that media use to characterize autistic individuals. My research showed three primary characterizations: patients, savants and victims. Even though “patients” were the most common type, the media primarily portrayed those with more Level Three autism in their stories. Being able to use these more defined levels can help parents better understand and explain where their child falls on the spectrum.

Using the levels is also how the medical community now determines the level of support a person needs. It can help you as a parent know more about the types of care and services you will need for your child.

Do you use the autism levels to better understand and explain to others about where your autistic child falls on the spectrum? What has been your experience? Leave a comment below so that we can share and encourage one another on this journey.

Additional resources

Looking for more information? Take a look at these resources available.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): Autism Types, Diagnosis, Symptoms, Treatment, Causes, Neurodevelopmental Disorders, Prognosis, Research, History, Myths, and More! Autism Explained (affiliate link)

Not Atypical Motherhood: The Guide for Navigating a Child’s New Autism Diagnosis (affiliate link)

Talking with Your Child about Their Autism Diagnosis (affiliate link)

My Awesome Autism: Helping children learn about their autism diagnosis (affiliate link)

Navigating the Spectrum: A Guide for Autistic Parents of Autistic Children (affiliate link)

The post Autism Levels: Understanding where your child falls on the Autism Spectrum Disorder appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

What is hyperfocus for people with ADHD?

A pediatric behavioral health specialist at the Cleveland Clinic Dr. Michael Manos describes hyperfocus as “the capacity for a person to engage in a task or an activity to the exclusion of everything else.” The Cleveland Clinic website notes, “Some people describe hyperfocus as similar to dissociation — a feeling of disconnection from themselves and their environment. Others describe it as laser focus, a kind of tunnel vision. Still other people describe hyperfocus as euphoric.”

While anyone can have hyperfocus at times, it’s different with those who have ADHD. ADHD is inherently about the lack of control of focus – which is why it’s called “attention deficit.” Anyone can get into the “flow” of focusing on a single thing. However, they could move their attention easily to something else if they need to do so. It’s different for someone who has ADHD. They get hyper focused on something, and they cannot easily focus on something else even if they want to.

The downside of hyperfocus is that the person can be fixated on the activity for so long that they do not complete tasks or tend to relationships that need to be done. Children with ADHD may be reluctant to stop doing their activity to do things that need to be done. That could include schoolwork or homework, time with family, meals, chores, bathroom breaks, or other tasks that cannot wait.

I see this with my son J, who has both ADHD and autism. He may get so focused on something that it’s all he can do and think about. He really struggles with putting his attention on another task.

How is hyperfocus different or similar to special interests for autism?

When you have a child who has both autism and ADHD, you are dealing with both special interests (some refer to those as hyperfixations) and hyperfocus.

With autism, many have special interests that usually last a long time. Some of those interests can last for years, while others may be only months. My son J’s first special interest was garbage trucks, and that began at age 3 and lasted well into elementary school. While it’s not a primary interest for him anymore, he still gets excited to see garbage trucks on the road or in our neighborhood (and he is in his late teens now). 😀 Special interests usually include a lot of different activities related to the interest topic.

Hyperfocus is narrower to a particular task or activity and the period of time the person does it. It can definitely be related to the special interest. My son’s interest right now is on personal computers (PC) and gaming. He loves to research and talk about building PCs and everything that goes into it. He also loves gaming, and he can easily spend hours playing online with friends. That can be hyperfocusing on the specific activity he is doing.

How can you help your child with ADHD manage hyperfocus?

So how can you as a parent help your child manage their hyperfocus so that it doesn’t keep them from doing the things that need to be done? Here are some suggestions.

1. Use a timer

You want your child to do things they enjoy, but there may need to be some limits on how much time they spend on it. If your child is playing a video game, let them know how much time they have and set a timer. Once the timer goes off, then they need to complete homework, chore or whatever else may need to be done. Remember that transitions are difficult for autistic children with ADHD, so be sure to give them a sign before their time is up to make the transition easier.

2. Agree on timing of activities when your child tends to be hyperfocused

If your child usually becomes hyperfocused when doing a favorite activity, build it into their routine and agree on when they can do the activity. For example, maybe your child can watch a favorite show after they complete a portion of their homework or after they take their bath in the evening. Routines are really important to autistic/ADHD children, so building the activity into their routine can be helpful.

3. Make boring tasks fun

We all have a hard time focusing when a task is boring. Instead, make it fun. Let them turn on their favorite music while they do their chores. Turn chores and tasks into a game. Hide treats and treasures for them to find. For some more creative ideas, check out this article.

Does your child with autism and ADHD hyperfocus on certain activities? What has worked in helping them to better manage it? Leave a comment below so that we can share and encourage each other on this journey!

Additional resources

Want more information about parenting a child with ADHD? Check out these resources to learn more.

ADHD Parenting a Complex Child: Guiding Your Child with Love – A Journey to Become a Yell-Free and Frustration-Free Parent (affiliate link)

What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life (affiliate link)

Parenting ADHD Now!: Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD (affiliate link)

ADHD Decoded- A Comprehensive Guide to ADHD in Adolescents; Volume 2 (affiliate link)

The Frazzled Parent: Learning 19 essential skills to teach yourself and your Pre-Teen ADHD Child to successfully navigate today’s short attention span world (affiliate link)

The post Understanding hyperfocus for children with ADHD and autism appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

Why is toilet training a challenge for children with autism?

My autistic son J struggled with toilet training and wasn’t fully trained during the day until he was almost 4 years old. Night time training took much longer, and he struggled with bedwetting for many years.

Children with autism face many challenges when it comes to toilet training. Some of those can include:

• Development delays – they are just on a different timeline than many of their neurotypical peers when it comes to development milestones such as being toilet trained. Their gross and fine motor skills may take longer to fully develop.
• Communication issues – if your autistic child is non-verbal, then they may not know how to “tell” you that they can feel when they need to use the toilet.
• Cognitive issues – pull-ups and diapers do a great job of wisking away moisture, so they may not feel the effects of having peed. They may not understand their body sensations when they need to go pee or have a bowel movement.
• Sensory issues – some autistic children don’t like the sensory effects of using the toilet and cleaning up afterward, especially if they are somewhere other than their home. The school psychologist explained to me that to my son J (who had ultrahearing) that a loud flushing toilet in some public restrooms sounded like a 747 jet taking off to him. Other autistic children may not like the feel of a cold toilet seat, sitting on a training potty seat or even using toilet paper or wipes to clean up after having a bowel movement.
• Routines – other autistic children do not like to change their routines for toilet training. It takes time to sit on toilet and learn how to use it. That is a big change for many autistic children to adapt to at a young age.
• Anxiety – learning something new like toilet training can cause a lot of anxiety for some autistic children.

Signs that your autistic child is ready for toilet training

Autistic children generally show the same signs as a neurotypical child for toilet training readiness. Those can include:

• Knowing that their diaper is wet or soiled
• Telling you that they need their diaper changed
• Feeling the sensation that they need to pee or have a bowel movement
• Willing to sit and stay on the toilet without resisting it
• Keeping their diaper dry for at least two hours at a time
• Knowing how to pull pants and underwear up and down by themselves
• Showing interest in the toilet by sitting on it, flushing it or wanting to watch an adult use it

Ways to potty train your autistic child

So what are the steps you should take for toilet training your autistic child?

1. Make it easier with a separate child potty and potty training seat

First, make sure you have a child potty (affiliate link) that sits on your bathroom floor and a potty training seat (affiliate link) that fits onto your toilet. We had both for our son J, but then we transitioned fully to only the potty training seat on the toilet once he started to get the hand of peeing in the child potty.

The regular toilet seat is too big for our children’s little bodies, so a training seat is safer and makes most children feel more comfortable. When we would go to relatives’ or friends’ houses, I usually brought our training seat (of course, discreetly in a bag), so we had it for J to use when needed.

2. Invest in toilet training underwear

Getting eight to 10 pairs of the toilet training underwear (affiliate link) really helped with toilet training. Your child needs to be able to feel when the have an accident (and they will have them often at first), so these are very helpful to have. If you get enough them, then you don’t feel like you have to constantly do laundry.

3. Set times for sitting on the potty when first toilet training

At first, it’s good to have your child sit on the potty several times a day for about 20 minutes each time. You’ll want to have a bin with some toys and books that they can have available while sitting there. Some experts say to have them sit on the potty every 20 to 30 minutes, but you know your child best and can determine the optimal times throughout the day. It may be helpful too to set a visual timer so that your child can see how much time they have on the toilet. My son J was very focused on time when he had to do something, so we used the Time Timer (affiliate link) when he was young for a lot of different things, including toilet training.

Once your child starts using the potty and better understands the sensations, you can lessen the time they need to sit on the toilet and instead rely more on when they feel like they need to go.

4. Encourage your child to drink a lot of liquids and eat salty foods

When you are in the focused period of your child first learning to toilet train, you will want to encourage them to drink a lot of liquids and eat salty foods so that they will need to pee more often. You can do this only for days when you will be focused on toilet training and have them sit on their potty frequently throughout the day.

5. Track progress

To be able to track progress of your child’s toilet training, it’s good to either create or purchase a tracking sheet (affiliate link). It’s helpful to know when your child sat on the toilet and when they peed or had a bowel movement.

6. Reward your child

Positive reinforcement does wonders when your child is first toilet training. Be sure to have a basket of fun little reward items (i.e., candy, small toys, coloring pages, note for extra time for something related to their special interest, etc.) that you can award for using the toilet. You know best what will motivate your child and what actions you should reward.

You can definitely use pull-ups or diapers during nap times and at night until they are using the toilet more consistently during the day. I also used pull-ups when we had to be out and about until my son J was a bit more advanced in his toilet training.

Overcoming the challenges of toilet training your autistic child

Autistic children many times will take longer to toilet train, and you may encounter some challenges with your child that you don’t expect. Here are some ways you can overcome these challenges.

1. Fascination with the toilet

Some autistic children become fascinated with the toilet by flushing it frequently, looking into the toilet and even wanting to play in the toilet water. For flushing and watching the toilet, you may need to close the door and put a stop sign on it, so your child doesn’t go into the bathroom unless they need to use the toilet.

If your child wants to play in the toilet water, set up a sink or water table outside for them for water play. If they continue wanting to play in the toilet water, then they may not be ready for toilet training.

2. Sensory issues

Who likes a cold toilet seat in the winter? Not many of us do, but most deal with it and get our business done. For an autistic child, that isn’t easy for them. Believe it or not, they make seat warmers for toilets. There are seat warmer cushions like these (affiliate link) or seat warming unit like this one (affiliate link).

Another frequent sensory issue for autistic children is the flushing sound. Some do not like it. If your child struggles with it, consider noise-cancelling headphones (affiliate link) for them.

Other autistic children struggle with wiping themselves after a bowel movement. Check out this article from an occupational therapist about techniques to teach your child perineal hygiene, or peri care. (Yes, effective cleaning and wiping after having a bowel movement does have a name!)

3. Constipation

Some autistic children will hold their bowel movement and refuse to have one unless they have a pull-up on. Others have medical issues that can lead to constipation. If this is the case with your child, it’s best to talk to your child’s doctor for advice on how to handle it. They will want to rule out any medical conditions that may cause constipation.

4. Poo incidents

Unfortunately, some autistic children become intrigued with their bowel movement and then want to play with it. Some even smear the poo on walls and other places in the bathroom. If this is something you are dealing with, talk to your child’s therapist, ABA therapist or occupational therapist to determine a behavior plan.

5. Use visual supports

To help your child with autism understand the process for toilet training, a visual support (affiliate link) can be very helpful to provide them the steps to follow.

6. Read social stories about toilet training

Reading social stories (affiliate link) or books (affiliate link) about toilet training can help your child with autism understand how and why they need to use the toilet.

7. Regression

At times, autistic children experience a regression in behaviors. This can include toilet training. If that happens, you may need to go back to the beginning to do some focused toilet training sessions to help them reset. If your child continues to have difficulty, you may need to take a break and start again later. Talk to your child’s doctor if the problem persists.

What has been your experience with toilet training for your child with autism? What worked for your child? Leave a comment below so that we can share and encourage each other on this journey.

Additional resources

Want additional help with toilet training your autistic child? Check out these resources.

Toilet Training for Individuals with Autism or Other Developmental Issues (affiliate link)

My Toilet Routine Cards 12 Flash Cards for Visual Aid Special Ed, Speech Delay Non Verbal Children and Adults with Autism or Special Needs (affiliate link)

Potty Training! ABA/OT Approved Step-by-Step Visual Schedules for Children (affiliate link)

Ready, Set, Potty!: Toilet Training for Children with Autism and Other Developmental Disorders (affiliate link)

Understanding Autism: Potty Training and Personal Care, Help You child Accomplish Basic Hygiene tasks (affiliate link)

The post Autism and Toilet Training: Overcoming the Challenges appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

What is working memory?

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, working memory is defined as “memory that involves storing, focusing attention on, and manipulating information for a relatively short period of time (such as a few seconds).”

I like the definition from Psychology Today, which states, “working memory is a form of memory that allows a person to temporarily hold a limited amount of information at the ready for immediate mental use. It is considered essential for learning, problem-solving, and other mental processes.”

Working memory is an executive function skill. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines executive function skills as “the group of complex mental processes and cognitive abilities (such as working memory, impulse inhibition, and reasoning) that control the skills (such as organizing tasks, remembering details, managing time, and solving problems) required for goal-directed behavior.”

As I note in this blog post, these are necessary skills for being successful in school, work and “adulting” in the future. If our kids are struggling with these skills, it’s so important that we as parents, caregivers and teachers work with our autistic ADHD children and teens to improve their executive function capabilities.

What are the signs of working memory difficulties?

So what are the signs that your autistic and ADHD child or teen may be struggling with working memory issues? Here are some things you may notice:

• Has difficulty remembering several steps for a task
• Lacks focus
• Requires re-reading of text
• Tends to disengage in the classroom
• Needs to repeat things
• Takes longer to comprehend material
• Exhibits text anxiety, especially related to multiple choice questions
• Has inconsistent performance
• Requires additional time for tasks
• Experiences impaired recall of material learned, or information seen or heard before

Why do autistic people with ADHD have difficulty with working memory?

There has been quite a bit of research done regarding working memory related to both autism and ADHD. Several studies have shown the correlation between people who have autism and/or ADHD and a poor working memory.

Why is this? While scientists do not know the exact cause of the deficit of working memory in these individuals, they believe it is linked to how their brains developed, especially the prefrontal cortex, and how many neurons are in their brain. I found this article from Psychology Today, which has a good overview about this and summarized some studies that I read regarding working memory deficits and autism.

My son J definitely has struggled with working memory issues, and it’s one of his biggest executive function weaknesses. As he enters college, I am trying to help him create checklists, use to do lists and reminder notes, and find other ways to help him improve his working memory.

How can I help my autistic and ADHD child improve their working memory?

Can working memory be improved? Thankfully, yes, it can. Here are some steps you can take to help your autistic and ADHD child or teen improve their working memory.

1. Give tasks in smaller steps

If you are giving your child a task to do or a list of things to do, keep it short to just two or three at a time. If you give too many directions to your child at once, they are likely to forget them.

2. Play memory-oriented games

Games like Memory (affiliate link) or Simon (affiliate link) are a great way to help your autistic ADHD child improve their working memory. Even card games like Uno (affiliate link), Go Fish or Rummy (affiliate link) are good because your child has to remember all the rules to the game.

3. Develop a checklist

If your child has a series of steps or tasks that they need to do frequently, develop a checklist for them to use. Over time, they should rely on it less as they repeat the steps or tasks.

4. Create designated spaces for their stuff

If your child is misplacing their things at home or even in their school backpack often, create designated spaces for them. You will need to help them put their stuff in their places for a while, but over time it should become routine.

5. Break down learning into smaller chunks of information

Help your child or teen focus on learning smaller chunks of information at a time. Talk to your child’s teacher about how to do this for their schoolwork. They will be able to retain the information better.

6. Encourage your teen to study for more, shorter periods of time

Your teen most likely will retain more information while studying for tests if they do more frequent but shorter study sessions. For example, three or four sessions of 20 minutes each with breaks in between will be more effective than studying for one full hour or longer all at once.

7. Teach your child memory techniques

There are many techniques for memorizing information. These can include creating a story, song or rhyme to remember information, or using mnemonics.  

8. Urge your child or teen to exercise every day

Exercising has so many benefits, and it can really help your child’s brain health. They can go for walks, ride their bike, jump on a trampoline or play ball with their siblings. The physical activity will go a long way in helping them mentally too.

9. Help your child or teen practice mindfulness

Mindfulness can help your autistic ADHD child or teen focus on the present moment and help them better remember information in the short term. Want more information about mindfulness for your child or teen? Check out this blog post.

10. Discourage multitasking

Multitasking isn’t truly doing two or more things at once. It is really switching quickly between single activities. Then it takes longer to get back to the original task. For example, when your teen needs to do their homework, have them leave their phone in another room. That way, they can focus only on their school task instead of checking their phones and being distracted.

What other tips or techniques have worked for your autistic ADHD child or teen to improve their working memory? Leave a comment below so that we can share and encourage one another on this journey!

Additional Resources

Want more information on this topic? Check out these additional resources.

How Can I Remember All That? (affiliate link)

Executive Skills Workbook for Teens (affiliate link)

Daily Planner for Kids (affiliate link)

Improve Executive Functioning Skills Workbook for Kids (affiliate link)

Executive Functioning Workbook for Kids (affiliate link)

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How do you define “aggression”?

First, let’s define aggression. According to the American Psychological Association’s (APA) dictionary, aggression is “behavior aimed at harming others physically or psychologically. It can be distinguished from anger in that anger is oriented at overcoming the target but not necessarily through harm or destruction.”

From an emotional perspective, the APA dictionary notes “affective aggression involves an emotional response that tends to be targeted toward the perceived source of the distress but may be displaced onto other people or objects if the disturbing agent cannot be attacked.”

From what I’ve seen, when autistic people become aggressive, it’s more related to “affective aggression” rather than hostile aggression, which is “when such behavior is purposively performed with the primary goal of intentional injury or destruction” (APA Dictionary).

Is aggression more prevalent in autistic children?

According to SPARK (Simons Powering Autism Research), they have found in their research that autistic children can tend to have more aggressive behavior. However, being aggressive is not a trait or sign of autism.

On their website, they note, “Aggression, such as hitting, biting, scratching, hair-pulling, or kicking another person, is relatively common in children on the autism spectrum. A study of children and teenagers with autism found that 68 percent had been aggressive to a caregiver, and 49 percent had been aggressive to someone else, at some point. More than half of the youth studied were currently having mild to severe aggressive behavior.”

They also stated, “In the general population, young children often become less aggressive as they get older and learn better ways to express themselves. But for some with autism, aggression persists through the teen years into adulthood. One study found that 15 to 18 percent of adults who have autism and intellectual disability showed aggression. Another study of autistic adults found that 5 percent of women and 14 percent of men had aggressive behavior over time.”

What causes aggression in some autistic children?

So what could be causing aggressive behavior in your autistic child? There are a few consistent reasons why autistic children and teens could become aggressive:

• For children who are non-verbal or have difficulty communicating, aggression is a way for them to communicate their needs or their dislike for something.
• Sometimes, aggressive behavior comes not from the autism but from depression, anxiety or other mental health problems or conditions during an emotional breakdown. Some autistic people have these conditions in addition to autism. (Research has shown that aggression is more linked to psychiatric conditions rather than autism.)
• Aggression can be a result of sleep issues and inattention.
• Some autistic people tend to dwell on negative feelings and thoughts, and they may renumerate those in their head and verbally. This could lead to aggressive behavior.

Our son J has aggressive behavior occasionally, but we believe it’s more related to his depression than autism. While I won’t share details because they are too personal to him, I will say from a parent perspective, it’s so hard to go through these times. Our first concern is that he doesn’t harm himself or one of us. We try our best to de-escalate his emotions and help him gain control of them. For parents who go through this continually with their child, teen or young adult, I understand just how devastating and life changing it can be for them.

What are the signs my autistic child may become aggressive?

So what signs or triggers should you be looking for that could result in your child having an episode of aggressive behavior?

• If your child’s routine or ritual is interrupted, that could result in some aggressive behavior because your child is unhappy about it and wants to continue the routine they prefer.
• Your child or teen may show aggression if they are upset and lose control of their emotions.
• They could become aggressive if they are experiencing high anxiety in a situation.
• Your child may have aggressive behavior if they are angry and have difficulty expressing their anger verbally.
• They may become aggressive if they are frustrated over a problem they cannot solve.
• Your teen or child may feel aggression if they have sensory issues that are bothering them and cannot relieve the overwhelm from them.

What should I do when my child becomes aggressive?

Ideally, the best way to handle aggression is to try to avoid triggers that can cause it to begin. That could include:

• Allowing your child to stick to their routines as much as possible. If you need to change them, give your child plenty of notice and talk about the reasons why they have to change. You can also offer some type of reward if they handle the change well.
• Providing therapy or other services to help your child improve their communication and social skills.
• Teaching your child how to identify and name their emotions along with coping skills such as deep breathing and other ways to calm themselves if they feel like they are losing control.
• Identifying a safe place for your child at home, school and other places where they can go to calm down if they feel overwhelmed.
• Offering a pillow or punching bag to hit or kick if your child is angry can help them alleviate their aggression in a way that won’t hurt themselves or others.
• Talking to your child’s doctor if the aggression is extreme to determine if there are treatments that may be beneficial to your child that you have not already tried or considered.

What should you do if your autistic child or teen is in crisis?

As our children get older, they are bigger and harder to manage if they are very aggressive. In those cases, their behavior can become extreme and put themselves and you in danger. If that happens, you can call 988 or 211 for help, anywhere in the United States.

988 is the national suicide hotline and mental health crisis lifeline number from Mental Health America. When you call, counselors can help you through a mental health emergency. Their website notes you can “call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. You can also reach Crisis Text Line by texting MHA to 741741.”

211 is a resource hotline from the United Way available in most states. Their website notes “if you need assistance locating long-term mental health resources, talking through a problem, or exploring mental health treatment options, call 211 to speak with a live person who can help.”

If your situation is an emergency in which you or your child is in imminent danger, you should call 911 for immediate assistance. You can explain your situation and that your child or teen has autism. Also be sure to ask if they have a mental health counselor or other person who can help with assisting first responders. More first responder agencies are making them available.

Additional resources

If you need more information to dive deeper into this topic, take a look at some of these resources available.

People with Autism Behaving Badly: Helping People with ASD Move On from Behavioral and Emotional Challenges (affiliate link)

No Fighting, No Biting, No Screaming: How to Make Behaving Positively Possible for People with Autism and Other Developmental Disabilities (affiliate link)

15-Minute Focus: Anger, Rage, and Aggression (affiliate link)

Breathing Exercise Cards for Kids: Calm and Focus (affiliate link)

The Anger Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anger and Frustration (affiliate link)

What has worked for your autistic child if they become aggressive? Leave a comment to share and encourage one another along this journey.

The post <strong>What should you do if your autistic child becomes aggressive?</strong> appeared first on Autism & ADHD Connection.

Autistic children’s love of routine

One of the hardest obstacles for trying new activities for autistic children is their love and need of routine. If they are going to try something new, then it has to take the place of something else that regularly is part of their schedule.

It can be really hard for your autistic child when routines need to change. That is because routines play an important part of their lives and provide them with feelings of security and stability, among many other benefits.

Our son J thrives with routine. When he was younger, keeping as close to his routine as we could (even while travelling) was the key to better days. He is better at adapting when his routine changes now that he is a teenager. He even creates his own routines because he is more in charge of how he spends his days. Of course, he has requirements such as school, meals, showers, chores and other necessary tasks. He works in his time for his special interest, which happens to be music at the moment.

Yet, we still need to encourage him when it comes to trying new activities. And it’s not usually trying something just once; it takes him several tries to see if he does really like it. Every once in a while, he will take to something new immediately. A lot of times, he needs more time to figure out if it’s something he wants to do on a regular basis.

Fear of the unknown

Most of us are apprehensive about doing something new when we don’t know much about it. The fear of the unknown is true for us but especially for our children with autism and ADHD.

Research has shown that autistic children who are uncertain about situations can experience more anxiety and sensory sensitivities because of it. Helping them learn from past experiences to help them better predict a new experience can help ease their anxiety.

Benefits of trying new activities

Trying something new can provide so many benefits to our children with autism and ADHD. A few include:

• Grow personally and intellectually
• Build confidence
• Improve social skills
• Acquire life skills
• Reduce boredom (people with ADHD thrive on novel experiences)
• Provide a new activity that your child may really enjoy
• Show courage

How to help your child with autism and ADHD try new activities

So how can you encourage and help your child with autism and ADHD try new activities? Here are some suggestions.

1. Have lots of patience

When trying something new, your autistic child may be emotional about it. Be prepared to be gentle and have lots of patience. Encourage your child with each step and praise them for their efforts.

2. Make it fun and even a game

Make the new activity fun with whatever you think will help your child enjoy it more. Add favorite music or find a way to turn the new activity into a game. They and you will enjoy it more, and it may be an activity that your child wants to do on a regular basis.

3. Link it to their special interest

Find a way to link the new activity to their special interest, and you most likely will have a winner!

4. Offer a reward

Add an incentive as a reward for trying the new activity. Want to visit a new place that you think your whole family will enjoy? Offer to take your child to their favorite restaurant for lunch or dinner as part of the outing or even out for ice cream right after the activity.

5. Pair it with something else they enjoy doing

If the new activity can be paired with or be a part of another activity your child already enjoys, that is a great way to help them try something new.

6. Prepare them with a social story

Prepare your child for the new activity with a social story (affiliate link) so that they will know what to expect and can ask any questions before it.

7. Provide choices

If you can provide choices regarding the new activity, be sure to do so. It will allow your child to have some autonomy and feel like they are part of the planning process.

8. Be flexible

Know that things probably won’t go exactly as planned, so be flexible with the how the new activity goes.

You know your child best and how far you can push them when trying a new activity. Remember to not ever force it on them. If they start, and it becomes clear they are distressed, it’s better to stop and try it again later or choose a different activity in the future.

What experiences have you had in encouraging your child with autism and ADHD to try new activities? What helped make it successful for your child? Leave a comment so that we can share and encourage one another on this journey!

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How is self-esteem defined?

First, let’s define self-esteem so that we are all on the same page on what it means.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines self-esteem as “a confidence and satisfaction in one’s self; self-respect.”

I like the meaning stated by the Department of Sociology at the University of Maryland. They define it as “a positive or negative orientation toward oneself; an overall evaluation of one’s worth or value. People are motivated to have high self-esteem, and having it indicates positive self-regard, not egotism. Self-esteem is only one component of the self-concept, which Rosenberg [Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale] defines as ‘totality of the individual’s thoughts and feelings with reference to himself as an object.’ Besides self-esteem, self-efficacy or mastery, and self-identities are important parts of the self-concept.”

Why do children with autism and ADHD struggle with self-esteem?

Anyone can struggle with self-esteem, but why do our kids and teens with autism and ADHD tend to do so more often?

Children with autism and ADHD deal with social and cognitive challenges, which lead to self-esteem issues. Their behavior many times leave them “outsiders” or not fitting in with their neurotypical peers. They can experience frustration from their families, teachers and friends due to their challenging behaviors. They may struggle in school if they feel like they have difficulty keeping up academically. Their low self-esteem and lack of confidence can lead to lower performance in relationships, school, sports and other activities, which perpetuates the self-esteem problem.

I know this is an ongoing challenge with our son J. He has struggled with low self-esteem for many years. When he was in music therapy, one of the primary goals of his music therapist was to help J increase his self-esteem. After many years of therapy (both cognitive and music), some days, he is better; other days, he still really struggles with it.

How you can help your child improve their self-esteem

As parents and caregivers (or teachers and advocates), how can we help our autistic children improve their self-esteem? Try a few or all of these suggestions below.

1. Show patience and kindness toward your child

Your child’s self-talk and maybe even what they say about themselves to others may be very negative. Therefore, being patient and showing kindness to your child can help counteract those thoughts and negative self-talk, at least some.

2. Help your child set short-term goals they can achieve

Some kids and teens want to obtain lofty long-term goals quickly, and when they feel like they are failing, then that can affect their self-esteem. Instead, help them set short-term goals that are attainable to help build confidence and increase their self-esteem. It also will give them momentum to keep going toward their ultimate goals.

3. Remind your child or teen that everyone has bad days or even bad phases

We all have bad days when things seem to be falling apart, and we all make mistakes. Explain that to your child and let them know it does not make them a bad person. Share your own experiences and how you got over a phase when things weren’t going well.

4. Work with your child to identify their strengths

Understanding our strengths and the positives about us is a good step toward improving self-esteem. J’s music therapist gave him a small notebook in which we had to write one of his positive attributes every day. J’s cognitive therapist encouraged this as well. It was hard for him to do, but it was important to remind him that he does have a lot of strengths.

5. Encourage your child’s development of their special interest

For autistic children, they many times have a special interest. Encourage them to learn and participate in it even more. This can help improve their self-esteem as they become better and more knowledgeable about their interest.

6. Volunteer to help others

Volunteering is a great way to help others, with the benefit of feeling that you’ve done something good. Find an activity in which your child or teen can help. Maybe it’s going to the grocery store, buying food and dropping it off at a nearby food pantry. If your child loves animals, find a local animal shelter or rescue organization to volunteer to help with playing with the animals and cleaning. Your family could volunteer at a soup kitchen, community center or other place in your community that needs help. You can check VolunteerMatch to find volunteer opportunities near you.

7. Teach life skills to your teen

Learning how to do things for themselves and building life skills can help increase your teen’s self-esteem and confidence.

8. Get help for them if they are struggling in school

If your child or teen is struggling in school, then find help for them. Talk to your child’s teacher about what help the school offers. A tutor also could be a game changer in how well they do in a particular class and improve their grades.

9. Listen and talk to your child or teen every day

Set aside time every day to really listen to your child and talk to them. If their perspective of themselves or their situations are not correct, talk to them gently about why they are not and help them to better understand them. If they are struggling with how to interact with others and what to say, try role playing to help them better prepare or know what to do or say the next time.

10. Know when to seek professional help

If your child or teen with autism and ADHD has such low self-esteem that is causing concern that they may harm themselves or could be dealing with depression, anxiety or another mental health issue, seek professional help immediately. If they are already seeing a therapist, let them know if your child’s condition is worsening.

Additional resources

Still looking for more information or help for this topic? Check out these resources.

Self-Esteem Starters for Kids: Stretch Your Confidence!: Activities to Boost Your Inner Strength! (affiliate link)

An Aspie’s Guide to Overcoming Poor Self-Esteem: Been There. Done That. Try This! (affiliate link)

The Ultimate Self-Esteem Workbook for Teens: Overcome Insecurity, Defeat Your Inner Critic, and Live Confidently (affiliate link)

Being Me: A Kid’s Guide to Boosting Confidence and Self-Esteem (affiliate link)

Does your child or teen with autism and ADHD struggle with low self-esteem? What has worked to help your child? Leave a comment so that we can share and encourage each other along this journey.

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What is rejection sensitive dysphoria?

The Cleveland Clinic notes the definition of rejection sensitive dysphoria is “when you experience severe emotional pain because of a failure or feeling rejected. This condition is linked to ADHD and experts suspect it happens due to differences in brain structure. Those differences mean your brain can’t regulate rejection-related emotions and behaviors, making them much more intense.”

What are the signs of RSD?

We all feel badly when we are criticized, rejected or even teased. So what makes rejection sensitive dysphoria different? It’s the intensity of the feelings that those who have it feel. They also can experience it when these situations are minor or even think it is happening when it’s not.

So what are some of the signs your teen with ADHD may show if they have rejection sensitive dysphoria, or RSD?

• Obsessively dwelling on events that included criticism, rejection or other negative experiences
• Overreacting to minor criticism, rejection or teasing
• Fearing rejection persistently
• Feeling rejected even when they were not
• Misinterpreting constructive criticism or requests for more information negatively
• Struggling with perfectionism
• Believing they are a disappointment to someone important in their life
• Abandoning their goals due to fear of failure
• Withdrawing from others
• Having low self-esteem
• Thinking that no one likes them
• Talking negatively to themselves

Why are those with ADHD more affected by rejection sensitive dysphoria?

While rejection sensitive dysphoria is many times related to ADHD, it is not a symptom of it. It is considered a separate condition that seems to appear primarily in people who have ADHD but also has a connection to autism.

More studies are needed for RSD to better understand it. Some reasons why people with ADHD may experience RSD include:

• Researchers are still looking at whether brain structure differences could cause rejection sensitive dysphoria in people with ADHD.
• People many times negatively react to the impulsivity and hyperactivity of someone with ADHD, which may result in harsher or more frequent criticism and/or rejection than normal.
• Overstimulation of those with ADHD could result in how they interpret negative events.
• Behaviors of those with ADHD are perceived by others as outside of social norms, and they may be rejected more often by their peers.
• Many people with ADHD struggle with emotional dysregulation, and this could contribute to RSD.

What can you do to help your teen with ADHD overcome RSD?

If you are seeing these signs in your teen (or child or young adult) with ADHD, what can you do to help?

• Find a therapist who can provide cognitive behavior therapy. Your teen may already be seeing a therapist for various challenges they may face from their autism, ADHD and mental health issues. If so, talk to the therapist about the signs you are seeing and encourage your teen to work through those with them.
• Work with your teen to help them regulate their emotions better. See this post for suggestions.
• Help your teen overcome perfectionism. See this article for some ways to help.
• Talk to your teen’s doctor about potential medication that could help.
• Find ways to help your teen reduce their overall stress. This Psychology Today article has some good recommendations.

While my son J has never been diagnosed with rejection sensitive dysphoria with this ADHD, I do see many of the signs he has been struggling with it. For some of these, he has been working with his therapist to reduce his sensitivity with criticism and rejection.

Additional Resources

Do you need to dive into this topic deeper and find out more? Check out these resources that are available.

The Beginners Guide to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: How to Understand and Recognize Intense Rejection (affiliate link)

The Rejection Sensitivity Journal For ADHD (affiliate link)

The Perfectionism Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Reduce Anxiety and Get Things Done (affiliate link)

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion for Teen ADHD: Build Executive Functioning Skills, Increase Motivation, and Improve Self-Confidence (affiliate link)

Does your teen with ADHD struggle with rejection sensitive dysphoria? What tips do you have for others to help their teens? Leave a comment so that we can share and encourage each other on this journey.

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